Arrgggghhhh!!!!  I feel completely stuck!  My husband is still home from work which is a bit of a double edged sword.  I love that he’s here spending time with us.  When he does work we hardly see him as his days are long and start at odd times so he is in bed before our toddlers.  My problem is that, for some reason, whenever he is around I become completely useless and ineffective.  I don’t know why.  I don’t know what it is.  Running a family and household of six is work in and of itself, add to that the fact that I have barely worked or earned any income this year and the fact that I feel the overwhelming desire to work on this blog and I am at a loss as to where to start.  The list appears endless and the pressure and anxiety has me paralyzed.

I miss the routine of school and work.  I am someone who needs structure although I would never have guessed it.  When the kids need to be at school and my husband is at work there are things that need to be done by a certain time which means that in order to accomplish everything I run my days on a very tight timeline.  When hubby is home all that order goes straight out the window.  The days are loosy-goosy, the house is a mess, we are running out of food and I am not working or contributing.  Just thinking about it makes me want to hide in the corner.

I would love to be one of those women who has it all under control.  If only I could bring myself to be competent and organized.  It’s a never-ending quest.  We’ve been purging the house and garage of our “stuff” lately.  It’s a wonderful feeling, but it’s like cleaning.  The more you get rid of, the more places you notice that have piles of stuff to go through and get rid of.  The worst part of it is, I know this is just a phase.  A brief time in our story that will be over before I know it.  Which makes me sad.  When the little ones are in school full time (two more years), I will have more time on my hands to fill with work, cleaning and running my household.  I will have everything in perfect order and running smoothly.  What I won’t have is 24 hours a day with my four kids and my husband.  Quality time to spend with the most important people in my life.  I think I need to focus more on what I am doing rather than what I’m not doing.  There will be plenty of time to work when they’re older.