My oldest friend in the world is preparing to welcome her first baby any day now.  She’s not due for a couple more weeks, but it looks like baby may come early.  I received a text message from her last night telling me this and I instantly felt a flash of what it was like to welcome my first baby.

My pregnancies have all been very easy physically, but emotionally I find it challenging because my first pregnancy was incredibly traumatic.  At the end of almost 41 weeks of pregnancy and 21 hours of labour I was given the most amazingly beautiful gift I could never have imagined.  My eldest daughter.  She was perfect, thank God!  I was so scared that something might be wrong with her because of everything we had gone through while I was pregnant with her.  When I first saw her, held her and knew she was safe and sound I cried and cried as though I may never stop.  I was so relieved!  And so deeply and irreversibly in love.

I could never have dreamed up someone so perfect.  Only God could do that.  I knew before she was born that I would love her.  I loved her the second I knew I was expecting her.  I just never knew what true, pure love was until I met her.  It rushed through me and over me and swept me away and I’ve loved her the same every second since then.  It’s a love so immediate and powerful it takes your breath away.  It’s absolute purity and you only know it once you know it.  Until that little body is wrapped in your arms you can only imagine it.  The reality of it is extraordinary.

She changed me.  She changed my life.  Thank God…again!  She made me a better person and a stronger person.  I made choices I wasn’t sure I could make, but I made them for her.  I made them so that she could be proud of me and look up to me and learn good things from me.  I made those choices and I stood by them and we made it through.  Things changed for the better because I was able to do what was right for her even before she was born.

From about 20 weeks into my pregnancy with her, I was so ready for her to be born.  I was so excited to meet her and start getting to know her.  She was my constant companion from conception until she was 20 months old and I went back to work part time.  She is one of the four most amazing people I’ve been lucky enough to meet.  I am honoured and blessed to be the mother of my four children.  I would do anything for them.  I am in constant awe of the love I have for them.  I had no idea it was possible to love someone, or a whole bunch of someones so intensely.  When I had my second daughter I felt like a traitor.  I felt like I was betraying my first and taking my time and attention away from her.  I loved her so much that I wasn’t sure if I could love the next one the same way.  And then she was born…and I grew an entirely new heart that belonged only to her.  The love is so strong and everlasting and perfect.  I now have four complete hearts, each with one of their names on it.  Just for them, always for them.  For who they are, each of them different and yet all so similar.  Sweet, funny, smart, gorgeous, caring….

It’s a journey.  It’s heavenly.  I am so excited for my dear, dear friend to finally have this experience for herself.  I wish you the most love.  The love of your life.

xoxoxo