My mother-in-law is coming to live in my house.  I have tried to keep most of my thoughts about my relationship and certain issues off this blog, but it’s beginning to get to me and I need to get rid of it.

My husband has been feeling sorry for his mother for some time now as she is regularly telling him she hasn’t eaten in days because she can’t afford to buy food.  She does have two jobs as well as a third income source.  The problem is that her rent is too high.  She is unwilling to find accommodations that she can reasonably afford.  So she has effectively manipulated her son into taking her in.  Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down.  She has seen him struggle this year and the effect that his accident has had on his relationships with his other family members and she’s used it to suit her own needs.

You well know, if you’ve read this blog before, that I haven’t worked much this year which means no money.  With my husband being on disability that makes things tight.  He has now been switched to long term disability which cuts our monthly income even further.  In light of this, I returned to work part-time on Monday of this week.  Please do not get the wrong impression and think for a moment that I don’t want to work.  I do want to work, I like earning money and I enjoy using my skills.  What I don’t want is to be away from my kids.  I have had lots of time with my older girls, they are in school and doing well.  My twins are my babies, my last babies and I really wanted this one last year with them (greedily, I’m sure) before sending them to daycare part-time.  When you’re on your last kid(s) you realize how quickly they grow up and move on.  They are only small for a little while and then they’re not.

So, back to this issue of my mother-in-law.  I feel that this move is putting my family in jeopardy.  I personally believe that she has no intention of finding work once she moves in here.  I feel that she thinks that she is going to move in here and I will go out to work so she can stay home and raise my kids for me.  She will be living on easy street.  They both will.  I will go work and earn a few bucks while they stay home and hang out together.  Then when I get home at the end of the day I will have the privilege of cleaning the house, doing the laundry, feeding the kids and the rest of us and making sure that our home is stocked for all of our needs.  I have reason to believe this will happen because even without her being here it is happening.  I know this is a problem with my husband, not her.  I get that.  The problem is that I think it is going to get worse.

I feel resentment building already and anger.  A whole freakin’ lot of anger.  I have expressed my concerns to my husband.  He is oblivious.  He sees me as the problem.  I’m being too hard on her.  I’m kicking her out the door.  He sees her as extra income to the family and free babysitting so he and I can get out together and get a break sometimes.  Well, I looked into the extra income thing today and he is not fully informed.  The reality is is that she is going to cost us money.  Period.  Bottom line.  Money that we don’t have…sorry did I already mention that?  I would rather pay for a babysitter and keep my sanity and my family intact than invite this woman into my home and watch my marriage implode.

I’ve recently begun doing yoga whenever I get a chance.  Almost never, because if he’s here I’m not allowed to work out.  I’ve never really gotten into yoga.  I find it hard to go slow like that when I’m “working out”, but it is a great work out and I do feel it afterwards.  I also find I am craving reading my books by Caroline Myss and Doreen Virtue.  I’m craving a spiritual connection so I don’t move too far into fear and anxiety.  I feel like I have no choice but to turn inward so that I don’t go right off the fucking deep end and lose my shit completely.